Super Excited!

I am so excited! Why, you might ask, is this girl so excited? Well, let me tell you about it...

First of all, I bet you never have those periods in your life where you think to yourself "I know God has a plan for me. I do! I just wish I knew what the heck it was!"

Yeah, I know. Everyone has those periods, but sometimes I feel like my whole life is lived in this period of uneasy, half-hearted trust. I don't think you can actually call it trust when you are holding on to your trembling confidence by the very tips of your fingernails. To be honest, sometimes, I'm just curled up in the corner hoping no one realizes that my confidence level has dipped dramatically!

Anyway...Alex and I have been wondering when we would have the opportunity to get married and start a family. It didn't even seem like a real possibility. It is definitely something that makes me want to throw up my hands and say "So, God, what IS the plan? I wouldn't mind knowing, if that's alright with you. No, seriously. I wouldn't mind. I'm getting a little frustrated here!"

So, we talked about it, and we decided we really needed to start asking God "What's the plan?" or at least "What's the next step?"

Then, this week, like a hurricane of blessings rolling in... I was able to sign up for a photography class I've wanted to attend for about a year or so AND Alex got a call back for a job interview.

Not just any job interview. A job interview with a starting salary that means that...

1) We have an actual chance of getting married

2) We could do it debt-free (which is way high up on our list of goals!)

3) We could live WAY below our means and save like crazy people, which would give us the opportunity to...

4) Adopt way sooner than we ever dreamed!

So, dear friends, I am super excited.

I am requesting that you pray for us that...

1) Alex gets this amazing job

2) I do great in my class

3) I can build my business quickly and

4) We stay excited no matter what happens!

I've already told God that I am accepting that He might have something better for us, but if not, I am humbly requesting that He grant us this opportunity.

Please keep us in your prayers.

Lots of Love,

Your Favorite Ragamuffin

My heart hurts for you, my friend...

I wish I were in another place.

You see, I have this friend who needs me.

She needs me to be her friend and hold her hand.

She needs me to tell her it will be okay and not to give up.

And it sucks that I can't jump on a plane and be there by morning.

She needs me to remind her that His love never fails.

She needs me to tell her that loving an imperfect human takes work.

She needs me to hug her and hold her hand while we watch High School Musical or something equally mindless.

Because, you see, she's not just a friend. She's a sister in my heart.

My heart hurts because I know she is laying in bed crying and needing a friend.

And it sucks that I'm stuck here.

Just know, friend, that you are in my thoughts and prayers.

I'm coming soon, friend.

I'm coming soon to hold your hand and dry your tears.

"Profound starvation for honesty."

I was reading an article on "Blue Like Jazz" author Donald Miller just the other day.

The article says that according to Brian McLaren, author of "A New Kind of Christianity," Miller 'appeals to evangelicals because there is a "profound starvation for honesty."'

That phrase "profound starvation for honesty" has been tumbling around in my mind ever since.

I think he is unerringly correct. Sometimes I feel like I am just CRAVING honesty. Where do you get honesty in this day and age?

Now, I have to admit that while I crave honesty, I am not always honest with myself or others.

I can also use honesty as a tool to hurt or intimidate.

For the most part, my honesty one of those things about me that people generally love or hate.

When someone asks me "How are you doing?" I generally don't say "I'm fine" unless I really am fine. Usually, it's "I'm great!" or "I don't really feel well" or "Sucky." Whatever it is, it's generally honest.

I don't like hiding in social conventions. I don't like "white lies" to make someone feel better about something. I tend to think very black-and-white. I have had to teach myself to recognize the gray.

All that being said, I intend to be pretty darn honest on here. I will work to censor my words and leave out things that don't need to be shared. However, if you are offended, I apologize in advance.

You have two options.

Option #1- Email me and explain how I offended you.

Option #2- Don't read my blog

I am reading "The Ragamuffin Gospel" and I'm slowly coming to terms with my "ragamuffin" status.

I highly recommend you read this book if you know you are broken, weak, bedraggled, and beat-down. This book is for us!

Now, all of this was to get to a point.

Adoption has been laying heavy on my heart.

I have this desire to adopt. Maybe that's not something you think a twenty-three year old, single, certified ragamuffin should admit. But, by George, this is my blog and I'm going to be as honest as possible!

I've had this desire to adopt since I was a child. Somewhere around seven or eight year old, I became aware that there were children out there that lived in the foster system and didn't have a mommy and daddy to take care of them. I think I would have adopted as kid if they would have let me!

When I think about the future, I generally think about adoption in terms of international adoption. Not that I'm ruling out domestic at all! I just think about it internationally. I have never really felt drawn to adopt from one country over the other. I just knew adoption was, Lord God willing, somewhere in my future.

Then, the other day, I had this...thought? vision? concept? daydream?

I don't know how to describe it.

I was hugging my boyfriend and I suddenly saw this little Chinese girl's head on his shoulder.

Like I said, it's really hard to explain, but it was accompanied by this overwhelming feeling that this girl was the first. She was mine.

It was so strange. Seriously.

Then, I got to thinking. China is one of the most stringent places to adopt from!

You have to have something like $80,000 in assets, a certain BMI (Body Mass Index), be in a certain age range, etc.

I am a in-debt-over-my-eyeballs college student/aspiring photographer.

I literally do not see a way to adopt from China in the next ten years. Maybe twenty!

Isn't it great that God is not limited by our circumstances?

I was at one of my blogging heroes' website recently. Ashley Ann wrote a great post on her dreams and adoption. She's also sponsoring a giveaway to Foster Kade Designs. The creator of Foster Kade Designs is currently raising money to bring home there daughter from China!

Check out both their pages!

Eternally Yours...

The song lyrics of "Eternal" by Sanctus Real read like a love letter to God.

Do you ever sit back and meditate, really linger, on the permanence of our relationship with God?

Maybe you do, but that's not something that I really dwelled on. I have thought about the complexity of the God of the universe(s) loving this insignificant speck of matter-encrusted soul.

I've entertained the concept of the wrath of God versus the grace of God.

I've never really considered the fact that our relationship with God is unerringly permanent. He purposely created a species that he wanted to have a flow of interaction with Him. A Niagara Falls sort of flow forever.

I think sometimes I am so caught up in my guilt and shame that I forget that He desires our company. Eh, my thoughts are getting jumbled. I am so tired. Pilates early tomorrow.

Here are the lyrics...

"Eternal"

I know this life I lead will pass away
Along with every other earthly thing
So I will set my heart on a higher plain
Where my treasure lies with You

And in this marriage of our hearts
There is no death do us part
For You are eternal
And I am eternally Yours

And I could never lose Your love to sickness
Oh I could never lose You to divorce
And there's no concept of abandonment
For I am safe within Your arms

And in this marriage of our hearts
There is no death do us part
For You are eternal
And I am eternally Yours
Oh I am eternally Yours
I am eternally Yours

(No abandonment)
(Safe within Your arms)

I never had enough until I found You
I never knew love until I met You
I never had enough until I found You
And now I have everything

And in this marriage of our hearts
There is no death do us part
For You are eternal
And I am eternally Yours
And I am eternally Yours
Oh I am eternally Yours

I could never lose You
No I will never lose You
I could never lose You

And this life will pass away
But You will never change
Oh this life will pass away
Oh but You will never change

I have the coolest boyfriend ever...

Okay, I realize that a lot of people write about their family and/or significant other.

That's great. But, I'm not going to lie to you, when I read all the posts about how "great, awesome, handsome, loving, blah, blah, blah" someone's husband is...well, part of me is jealous and part of me thinks there is no way a guy is that great.

Now, I'm dating this amazing guy named Alex. He surprises me almost every single day.

He is kind, thoughtful, self-sacrificing, loving, mature, funny....you name it.

Here is a picture of my sweetie. You are sure to hear a lot about him in the future, so now you will have a face to go with the name!

Isn't he a cutie?

Yes, I realize it's 2:15 in the morning...

I have been thinking about adoption and the role fathers play in the lives of their children.

There are a whole lot of metaphors that I will probably bring up someday soon.

God as our father, God adopting us, our insecurities/securities as adopted children who have been removed from the filth that used to be our "home"...you see my point.

However, today is not the day for metaphors. Today is about children who need forever homes and the families who should be providing them. Today is about my sadness about not being able to adopt TOMORROW. Today is about saying "No" to that new car, or video game, or cell phone. Today is about saying "Yes" to a child who can't even count the days since he last ate. Today is about choosing to put our arms, literally and figuratively, around the people Jesus put into our lives.

"Maybe," you say confidently "not everyone is supposed to adopt."

"Maybe." I reply. "But here is what I know-God calls us to more than these material lives."

I'm going to try to post more later. Need some sleep.

Honest hearts produce honest actions. ~Brigham Young

While I don't normally quote Brigham Young because of the conflict in our world-views, I found that for this subject he had a valid point. When I sat down to write this post, I started by googling a lot of different quotes on honesty. I found a great quote by Mary MacCracken "...Nobody spots a phony quicker than a child."

It's true. There are dim-witted children of course, but children can generally spot dishonesty because they tend to be more honest. Their little hearts haven't been corrupted by years and years of "white lies" and half-truths.

The Liangzhou County in the Gansu Province of China recently harnessed the integrity of eighteen schoolchildren to help them catch dishonest test takers - on their police force!

According to an article I read, the test takers were competing for sixty-six high ranking positions.

The eighteen fifth-graders walking the aisles spotted twenty-five alleged cheaters during the test. Apparently, the original adult monitors had been found to look the other way to avoid embarrassing some of the cheaters. No such luck with the kids! The article says that the "students took their jobs very seriously and their presence also applied greater moral pressure on the exam takers to perform honestly" and "encouraged them (the test takers) to set better examples in the future."

I don't have a lot to add to this. I just thought that it was rather ironic that children were the morality monitors for adults - police officers, no less!

(Update: Cool thing I discovered recently...Brigham Young and I were born on the same day. Weird, right?)